kimmers for life

You can basically sum up this post by saying I'm paranoid about MONEY

What are you paranoid about?

1. Falling back into debt and bad financial habits again in the future, after working so hard to get back on track.

2. Buying the wrong house. Paying too much and being forever stressed about making the payment. Paying too little and being forced to upgrade sooner than I want to. Buying too soon, before we can really afford it. Waiting too long and not getting as good a deal as we would now.

3. Spending too much on our wedding and regretting it 24 hours later. Letting the expense of the wedding push back when we can afford to buy a house.

4. Spending too little on our wedding and always regretting that.

5. Not selling my car quickly. Not selling it for enough to pay off the loan. Not selling it at all.

6. Making the wrong decision about the great debate with Dunkin's ears - To Crop or Not to Crop. Regretting it later either way.

7. Losing my job just as I'm turning things around financially. Ditto on Nick. In this economy you just never know.

8. Not getting the baby urge until it's too late and suddenly I'm either an old mom or no mom at all.

9. Never writing that book, because I don't have the time or it seems too overwhelming or I don't know where to start or I just plain don't believe in myself enough. Waking up one day and realizing I've lost any writing talent I ever had because I so rarely use that muscle where I used to flex it constantly.

What are you paranoid about? Head on over to Mama Kat's and link up! 

ETA: I'm overdramatizing somewhat here for the sake of the assignment... I assure you, there is plenty that I'm NOT paranoid about!

The love you feel for your jeans is forever love

Excerpt from an email conversation with my good friend Sarah:

ME: I told Nick that after we get some of our debt paid off and we can start making the budget a little less rigid, he can upgrade to a nicer car and I will keep my damn Cobalt, I just want a clothes budget every month! He's like "what about your infinit FX35?!" I go, "screw the Infiniti, if I don't buy some new jeans soon I'm going to KILL MYSELF." Honestly, the extra $100 or $200 a month? I would seriously rather spend on clothes and books and things than on having a sick car. We drive to work together anyway, why bother upgrading both cars? I imagine that he was slightly appalled that I picked jeans over a car. Then again, "you can have the nice car" may have been the part that his brain focused on haha. He probably barely even heard the "I will buy lots of clothes" part.

SARAH: You know, I can fully support giving up a nicer car for some new clothes/nice jeans. Because the novelty of a new, nicer car kind of wears off for a while, but the love that you feel for your jeans is forever love. And you get to keep upgrading and buying new ones and trying different styles! Just talking about it is making me want to drive over to National Jean Company right now.

ME: Seriously. We're sitting here talking about this and my fingers are itching to start looking at new styles online. I'm calling you the minute I have a clothing budget.

SARAH: TOTALLY.

ME: I'm still laughing every time I read "the love you feel for your jeans is forever love"... this is totally going on my blog. And that is officially the best. quote. ever.

Things I would buy in a heartbeat if not for the freaking budget:

Things I would buy in a heartbeat if not for the stupid hateful extremely necessary budget:

A Kindle - I feel like for a book nerd like me, it's basically a travesty that one of these isn't rattling around in the bottom of my purse. I would shove an old lady under a bus to get a damn Kindle. Well, maybe not. If she was a mean old lady who was also abusive to animals. Then I would totally shove her under and run off with her Kindle. The bottom line here is if I see you holding one? I'm not responsible for my actions. Consider youself warned.

A pair of Rock and Republics - I will admit I somewhat picked this pair at random, but oh, they are gorgeous. Truth be told when it comes to designer jeans I love them all. I am a JEANS MANIAC. I shell out money I don't have for the priveledge of wearing jeans to work 3 times a week. If I ever do write and sell a book, a (decent sized) portion of the first check that hits my hands will go toward buying as many pairs of designer jeans and I can in good conscience purchase at one time (probably more than you think). I love, love, loooove beautiful, wonderful, happiness inducing jeans. If you don't see what's so great about designer denim, you either: a) already look like a supermodel regardless of what you wear, or b) have never actually tried a pair on. I, too, used to be a skeptic, until my friend Sarah forced me to try a pair on, and I swear from that day forward I never looked back. Finally, jeans that were long enough for me! Jeans that didn't fade or stretch or wear excessively after a lot of washings. Jeans that were tight in all the right places and didn't loosen and sag over the course of the day. Jeans that immediately and inexplicably gave my body a slimmer, better shape. If I could afford to I would buy enough pairs of glorious high-priced denim to wear a different pair every day for a year. *Don't hate me - I buy my shoes at Famous Footwear. IT'S JUST THE JEANS, I CAN'T RESIST.

The new Penelope Coach - Ahhhhh, Coach. I've missed you. I love this bag - A LOT - in both the coral and the lilac. The coral especially I think would make a fantastic spring/summer bag. Beautiful, practical, and I'm crazy about the striped lining. Also, the coral one would go really with the pale yellow wallet I got for Christmas. Which makes it fate, basically.

Travessia Dress, Detour Dress, Cabbage Hill Dress, Double-Take Dress, Missouri Primrose Shift, Fruit Moon Dress. I completely love every one of these dresses. LOVE THEM. I've recently decided that I've started dressing a little too casually, and I want to start wearing cuter things sometimes. I'm at a place where I have like 5 or 6 go-to outfits that I just continually rotate between and I'm getting bored with it (granted, awesome jeans are the foundation for most of these outfits, but still. A girl needs some cute dresses to bust out every now and then.) All of these dresses would be perfect additions to my wardrobe.

Books. Lots and lots and lots of books. If I listed them all here you would all die of boredom, since I'm perfectly capable of walking into a bookstore and immediately filing my arms with armfuls of books I desperately want to buy.

A lot of time at the nail salon. I actually hate getting my nails done, I'm bored to tears the whole time and I spend the two hours after my appointment tensed with fear that I will smudge or chip a nail, BUT I absolutely love the way my nails look afterwards. Having nicely manicured fingers and toes makes me feel very adult and put together.

A gym membership. I'm actually trying to talk Nick into investing in a pair of memberships for the two of us. We're both always saying we need to get a little more active and tone up a little, and with the economy the way it is right now I'm betting we could probably get a pretty good deal on some memberships. We'll get in shape, feel better about ourselves AND have something to go out and do together. Plus by summer I could be contemplating donning shorts and cute little skirts and dresses without wanting to throw myself off a cliff, for a change. I've been wanting to join a gym for months now and I really think I'd be dedicated about it. Just thinking about it now makes me want to load up my ipod and hit the elliptical. I'm thinking this one's a win all around and well worth the money, provided we choose an affordable gym. (Sadly there is one we could walk to but it costs a ridiculous SEVENTY DOLLARS PER PERSON PER MONTH, and $140 a month?? Not something I'm willing to spend on fitness. Sorry. We can drive to the gym.)

Oh so many other wonderful and lovely things, but I'll stop here... you get the idea. Still understand the necessity of the budget, but suffice it to say I can't wait until the budget includes a "personal allowance" category! :)

Nick did buy me two books last night while we waited for our table at The Cheesecake Factory... god bless him.

My budget is the bane of my existence and one of the best things that's ever happened to me

I've noticed that since Nick and I put ourselves on a strict budget several months ago, I've started to get really, inordinately excited about every small extravagance (I'm not sure if this makes me feel "proud" or "horrified" but I digress). We go to the movies once every other week or so (on half price night!) and I look forward to those outings like a crack addict looks forward to their next fix. Nick unexpectedly buys me a coffee and I'm still kind of smiling about it hours later.

Tonight we're going to dinner at the Cheesecake Factory (before you start thinking our budget can't be TOO strict if it allows for dinners out, we have a giftcard there, leftover from Christmas). Even in the gloriously wasteful pre-budget days, The Cheesecake Factory has always been my favorite restaurant, and now that we don't eat out much? I'm literally embarassed by how much I'm looking forward to dinner tonight. It's 4 pm and I am sitting here planning what I will wear later, what I'll do with my hair and makeup, do I want to wear my warm coat or my cute one (the restaurant is walking distance from our place).

The same is true in other areas too. Where a trip to Sephora used to mean grabbing whatever I actually needed and then loading up my basket with 3 or 4 other little novelties that caught my eye, now it means saving up until I can afford the things I need, and being excited about that purchase, never mind the shiny new lipglosses at the checkout counter. Where I used to get a full head of hilights every few months, now every other time I go to the salon I get a partial because it's cheaper (please, you don't expect me to give up my hair color, do you?? Let's not get ridiculous here. I'm 24, I need good hair.) I used to buy lunch at work every day or go out and get Subway, or Au bon Pain... whatever u felt like eating that day. Now every morning I make lunches for both Nick and I. I can't remember the last time I bought clothes or shoes. The last books I had that didn't come from the library were courtesy of a Barnes and Noble giftcard Nick's dad gave me for Christmas. The budget has definitely changed our spending habits completely.

But if I'm going to be totally honest? It's really not that bad. I mean, obviously some days it sucks, no question about it. Some days I feel like the world is going to end if I can't go to dinner/ buy a new pair of jeans/ restart my daily Dunkin donuts routine. Sometimes I am consumed  by bitterness that I made so many thoughtless choices in the past and that fixing them means going without a lot of things for a long time while we pay off the debt that we've accumulated. Some days I would kill to find a hundred dollar bill on the ground and on those days I know that if I did find that hundred dollars, I'd be spending it in the nearest shop inside of five minutes. But most days? Most days I am struck by how much money we used to throw away without even realizing it. Most days I am awed and a little embarassed by how quickly dinners and coffees and lunches and DVDs and cute sweaters (half of which I don't even wear)Padded up. Most days, far from being regretful that we are stuck with this budget, instead I wish we had started the budget sooner.

Yes, I look forward to the day that I can go to dinner/ grab a coffee/ buy some new clothes without breaking the bank or having to use a credit card. I look forward to the day when our debt is paid off and our budget can be a bit more relaxed. But in the meantime? I'm glad for the budget, because as hard as it may sometimes be, it's forcing us to adopt more responsible spending and saving habits. It's reminding us that we really don't need a lot of the things we used to spend money on. We don't even miss a lot of the things we used to spend money on. I think in the future, when our credit card balances are at zero and our budget includes a "personal allowance" category, we'll appreciate that money all the more for going without that category for so long. I think we'll give more thought to our purchases and avoid the impulse buys we've both been prone to. We'll live much more carefree lives without the stress of this debt hanging over our heads, but we'll remember what this time in our lives was like, and it will keep us on track financially in the future.

And in the meantime, we're making the best of it and tonight? Tonight we are going for a fun, romantic dinner at The Cheesecake Factory and I can't freaking wait.