Dear Keurig Coffee Maker,
I think we need to have a talk about our relationship. Right about now you're probably thinking this is a Dear John letter - it's not! Let's face it, I could never let you go. I know I haven't been there for you like I used to be lately. I swear there's no one else - I would never do that to you. Things have just gotten stressful around here lately and sometimes you seem more complicated than you really are.
I mean, you seem so easy, Keurig. Push a button, choose a K-cup, and 60 seconds later I have a mugfull of steaming goodness.
Except right there, there's the first problem. Choose a K-cup. Kureig, I'm an indecisive person at the best of times. For this reason, in general I don't mess around too much with "variety". I find something I like and I stick with it. At Dunkin Donuts, I get a hazelnut coffee with extra milk and sugar. At Starbucks, either hot carmel cider or an iced carmel machiatto. At It's a Grind, a Nutty Cow. Simple, right? No decision-making required. Except I don't seem to see any of those beverages in your extensive catalogue. Is it really asking so much that you make little Dunkin Donuts K-cups? Do you even know how excited I would be? You give me Dunkin Donuts K-cups and I'll plan a vow renewal with you, Keurig. Until then, to be honest, taste testing all these new brands of coffee and trying to decide which one I like feels sort of... overwhelming? Stressful? It feels kind of like work, Keurig. And I have enough work in my life right now.
Then there's the whole "thinking ahead" angle. If I walk into the local coffee shop and order a beverage 60 seconds later I fork over my money and they hand me my beverage of choice. Easy! I don't have to think about things like do we have sugar on hand, and is the milk expired? And I don't have to stress out that if I don't drink
any all of the milk, Nick will point out that our grocery budget really can't handle things like half gallons of milk that I never even break the seal on. I've got a lot on my plate right now, Keurig, and this kind of additional worry just kind of pushes me over the edge.
All of that being said, I do love you, Keurig. I love your shiny, modern looking exterior and your crisp blue LCD lights. I love that if I actually read your manual, I could program you to do cool things like wake me up in the morning. I love feeling like a Starbucks barista in my own home. And I really love that Nick just randomly bought you for me one day for no occasion at all, just because.
So I'm going to try harder, Keurig. I know we can make this work.
But seriously, think about the Dunkin Donuts thing.